Building Empathy as a Foundation for Giving

Giving or generosity is something that we teach our kids at a young age. This usually starts with the concept of sharing. I believe that it is so important for our kids to learn not only how to share, but the importance of sharing. I know from reading many different types of parenting blogs that some people don’t agree that teaching the concept of sharing is important. I am not here to debate the philosophy behind those viewpoints. I am here to talk about why I believe sharing is so important for us to not only teach our kids but demonstrate to them as adults.

Sharing is a form of generosity. When we share with others (whether it be our toys, our money/resources, our feelings, our time, or our hearts), we are ultimately letting those around us know that we care. Sharing connects us and helps us to empathize with others. Empathy is one of the most important things a person can develop. Empathy is the basis for so many positive things in this world as it allows us to understand another person’s thoughts, feelings, and condition from their point of view rather than from your own. It fuels compassion and positive social action. Empathy is what allows us as humans to relate to one another, rather than see only differences.

Building a ‘Giving’ Mindset

When we build our capacity for empathy, we are also able to build our capacity for giving. We can look for ways to give to others in a way that empowers rather than enables them. Everybody needs help at different points in their lives. Most successful people in this world would agree that they didn’t get there alone, but through the generosity of others (whether it be through time, mentoring, encouragement, coaching, financial support, or kindness).

One teaching and metaphysical concept that is prevalent in many other cultures and philosophies is that ‘what you give will come back to you’. Some of us have heard this as ‘you get what you give’, or ‘treat others the way you wish to be treated’, or ‘do unto others as you would have them do unto to you’. This concept is a universal concept that we can create our reality by the actions that we take. If we want more kindness in the world, we need to be more kind. If we want to live in a supportive community, we need to support our community. We are part of the whole.

By really understanding that what we give will come back to us, we can create a beautiful life. The thing people often struggle with is that it doesn’t always come back to us immediately or in ways we would expect, however, if you hold this belief, are patient, and look for blessings you can start to see how this is true.

We want our kids to understand the blessings that we have and not take them for granted. We want to teach compassion and empathy and create an environment in which giving isn’t a chore, but is a fun family activity that offers us a way to connect with our community and neighbors. We believe it is important to give throughout the year, but that the holidays provide a special time for us to focus on the effort and build it into the DNA of our family values.

Some people believe that giving to charity or people in need enables them to continue as they are and not gain skills of self-sufficiency. I believe that giving can help empower people to get back on their feet and become more self-sufficient. With everything, there may be exceptions to that, but I choose to see the best in humanity and treat others the way I would want to be treated. If my fortune ever changed, I hope that I would have compassionate and empathetic people in my life to help me.

We have weaved this into our family DNA by planning and taking action. We also talk about and explain why we are doing these things in a way in which our 3 year old can understand. There is no ‘one-way’ to doing this, but it has been amazing to see our daughters ‘light-bulb’ go on when we talk about it. While she may not fully understand things, we are helping to lay a foundation for her understanding over time.

Holiday Giving Activities for Kids

There are so many age-appropriate ways we can teach our kids the art of giving and gratitude. Below are some tips and ideas for how you can help incorporate these activities into your family’s rhythm and traditions.

• Attend a Holiday charity event or donate to a cause. If it is donation-based have them do simple age-appropriate chores ahead of time that they get ‘paid for’ that they can donate to the cause. One great holiday fundraiser we are supporting in the MSP area is the ‘2019 YouthLink Monthly Meal Program’ where we are raising funds to buy and cook a monthly meal for local homeless youth. 100% of funds raised will go to support YouthLink MN through the volunteer meal preparation program. We’ll be using the funds to purchase food, and then prepare and serve nourishing meals at the YouthLink drop-in center in downtown Minneapolis. Each meal serves about 70 people.
• Pick a certain number of toys and books to donate to a child in need. Explain why they are doing it and help them to choose. If they struggle with this, let them know this is part of the cycle and that we have to let go of the things we no longer need before we can receive gifts.
• Choose items for a food drive from your pantry or the grocery story together. Explain that not every kid has food to eat at home and that we are helping to make sure that those that are hungry have something to eat. Maybe even let them pick their favorite snack to donate/give to a kid just like them.
• Choose names from a giving tree (often something daycares, community centers, and churches do over the holiday). This gives them a kids name, age, and Christmas list that they can shop for. If you choose a kid just like them, you can explain how some kids don’t get gifts for Christmas and that we are making sure they have something to open that makes them feel special.
• Volunteer to serve a meal at a shelter. Have your older kids participate in this so they can connect with those in need and see they are just like them.
• Reach out to an elderly neighbor / give them baked goods or a gift. Reach out and help your elderly neighbors feel supported and loved.
• Invite friends or acquaintances that may not have family in the area to your events. Support those around you that may not have family to surround them. You can create your own family or expand your own to let those around you know you love them.

There are so many other things that can be done. Start brainstorming or do research and find activities that will work for you and your family. Giving is an art because there is no ‘one right way’ to do so. Whatever you do will create an environment of generosity, gratitude, and love – and that is the most important thing.