Negative self talk is likely something we all engage in from time to time.  Allowing negative self talk to direct our thoughts and actions, preventing us from reaching  a goal, or a dream leads to a frustrating cycle of self sabotage. If you find yourself in this cycle, know that you have the power to change it. This doesn’t have to be your story if you choose to recognize and do something differently.

Why self-sabotage?

Patterns of self-sabotage can show up in many different ways, but it is an underlying process of allowing our negative ego to stall us out from accomplishing what we truly desire. These patterns can create an ugly cycle of stress, and negatively impact relationships and every day life. When we recognize how this pattern shows up in our life, we can start to do something about it. 

• Fear of Rejection – Many times this is something that unconsciously occurs. It is an insecurity, judgement or misunderstanding we have about ourselves. This fear can keep us from expressing ourselves or taking action in new ways.
• Fear of the Unknown – We often feel most comfortable with the familiar, what we already know, or we are already used to. Because of this, we put value and importance on this. It is comfortable and safe. It becomes an auto pilot for the brain. But think about this, is it always of benefit to personal growth or who you are as a person to play it safe? Often the comfort zone is not so comfortable, as we feel like we are not fully expressing ourselves or pursuing our dreams. 
• Avoid or Procrastinate – When we do not know how to handle a situation, concern or problem, we may push it off until the very last minute or decide not to deal with it at all. Overwhelm sets in and we freeze or avoid rather than dealing with whatever is in front of us. 
• Overthinking, perfectionism tendencies – Overwhelm, fear of making a mistake, and not knowing where to start can keep us from taking action. Making room for mistakes and recognizing taking action is a victory in itself can help to get started. 
• Negative thought patterns – right away going to the negative thoughts of what could go wrong, failure.
• Worry – consists of many ways of overthinking about what others might think of you, that you are “less than”, that others don’t like you. This can also be linked to anxiety and panic attacks.

How to Remove the Pattern of Self-Sabotage

1. Understand the Roots: Recognize your patterns, tendencies and behaviors. It is very important to be honest with yourself and pause to take a moment and recognize when you just had a moment of self-sabotaging behavior.  Commit to radical self-love and forgiveness whenever you notice your mind starting to go into a pattern of negative self talk. This is practice of interrupting the cycle. Replacing it with a new perspective. If you don’t have a plan in place the cycle will likely continue. If you can interrupt with a new cycle, one of self love and forgiveness, you can start to shift gears away from the negative ego. 
2. Identify the Causes: this is something unique to you that will take time and being honest with yourself to discover and realize. Maybe it’s not following through with commitments, lack of self-worth, don’t feel you can be successful or a fear of what your life would look like if you were successful.  These are just a few examples of causes, and this is why journaling can help you to recognize some patterns and continuing to be honest with yourself.
3. Journal your Negative Self-Talk: This might not be the most fun to think about, but it will help you to see patterns and tendencies that you might not be aware of. Or if self-sabotage happens before a big social event, or big opportunity for personal growth. Whatever it might be, recognize it so that you can work to overcome it. Once you recognize the pattern, write down details of what was going through your mind, and why you made certain decisions that led to the outcome.  Identify how you could do things differently and make a plan for next time. Be ready to interrupt the pattern with your new plan once you are aware of the patterns and can be ready to do things differently.
4. Change behavior with confident self-talk: do not be discouraged, you can break through these patterns and behaviors. Be diligent and aware, and have phrases of confident self-talk.  Take action by writing to do lists, posting positive mantras to see or repeat in your mind throughout the day, reframe negative self talk into a positive. Commit to a practice of gratitude to begin to find what you appreciate about yourself and your life to start to operate from a more empowered place. Begin to re-write the script in your mind.

Recommended Steps for Healing

Patterns of self-sabotage are frustrating, but you don’t have to accept it as the way it will always be.  Trust yourself and know your strengths and what you are capable of. It takes courage to move past what is blocking you and holding you back. Love yourself during this journey, as removing patterns of self-sabotage won’t necessarily happen overnight, but they can shift.

It is important to recognize and be aware when you self sabotage, and then as it is happening, be aware of the power and impact of your thoughts. Press the pause button on the thoughts going through your mind or the potential actions you might take.  As you pause, become aware of your thoughts and feelings.

Are you yielding to your negative ego, or is there an opportunity to step in and interrupt the story with a new perspective. You can ask yourself: what would my higher self do? When we align with our higher self we can bring much more love, compassion and forgiveness to the situation. We can come from a higher perspective, and raise ourselves out of a negative spiral.

This can be tricky as sometimes we can align with our negative ego without intending to or even being fully aware of it. This is when friends and family that you feel comfortable talking to can be helpful to help you understand your patterns and tendencies.  Only when you are aware can you begin to make positive changes. 

My training with the Modern Mystery School has given me a practice where I make a daily affirmation: “It is by Will alone I set my mind in motion.” When I align my will with the will of my higher self or spirit, I flow in a more positive way.  What does aligning your will with your spirit look like? 

Remember with this journey to be kind to yourself, forgive yourself if you revert to a self-sabotage behavior or action.  Acknowledge what a big step it is to recognize it and then continue to move forward towards your goals and dreams.

Self Care is Key

I have found self care to be very important to recognizing and overcoming patterns of self-sabotage.  Self care can be done by receiving ancient lineage healings, and the first one I highly recommend is the Life Activation. This healing works on strengthening the connection between your physical and spirit bodies. It activates 22 of the 24 strands of your DNA and brings healing and empowerment. Deeper connection with your Higher Self, bringing clarity, releasing emotions that no longer serve. This healing session includes a mini reading that can bring a deeper understanding and confirmation of your goals, purpose and true self.

The Universal Kabbalah is a 10 month journey, often referred to as a “Roadmap of Life” – is a blueprint and path to live a more empowered and joyful life.  The Tree of Life is alive within each of us, and shows where we are in balance and where we need to shift. Through this process and journey it helps to clean up our thoughts and our mind.

You Can do this!

Yes, self-sabotage tendencies can be all around frustrating. It can be difficult to admit or recognize, and can at times feel hopeless. But the first step it to bring awareness to and recognize these patterns or tendencies within yourself. Take time to journal and understand deeper.  Journal and come up with a plan of action. Forgive yourself along the way as these tendencies likely will take time to shift –  but they can!  Have faith and know you have the courage and strength within you to move past this.  Your goals and dreams are within reach.  Reach out and ask for help, reach out for healings, guidance, and encouragement.