For years I viewed perfectionism or “being perfect” as something to strive for.  Recently, I have come to see perfectionism differently. There are times when it can be helpful to motivate, but taken to the extreme it can result in debilitating stress, nervousness, and anxiety. 

The tricky thing is that sometimes it’s hard to see. Striving for perfection may be a pattern you’ve built into your daily routine throughout your life. The pattern may not be visible if it’s just your mode of operation, but the resulting exhaustion and anxiety is likely more easy to notice.

While you may be a perfectionist and not even know it, you may be surprised to learn you are also surrounded by people who share the struggle. You never know what is going on inside of another person. We see may see a strong willed person who pushes themselves to perform and excel, but on the inside that person is embroiled in an internal struggle to not accept any standard short of perfect.

This person may be burdened by self-defeating thoughts and high and/or unrealistic goals. It is seen as a personality trait in which a person tries to be flawless, sets high standards, while being extremely critical of oneself and is constantly analyzing him/herself while worrying about what others think.

Examples of Perfectionism

A tendency toward perfectionism can often have many layers. Here are some examples of perfectionism:

• Feeling overwhelmed – Wanting to be perfect can lead to feeling like there is so much to do, so many steps, in order to do something “just right” at all times.
• Feeling like you need to do everything on your own – not wanting to ask for help, or feeling the need to prove to oneself or others that you can do everything.
• Being hypercritical or setting extremely high expectations of yourself – It’s great to have goals and want to be the best one can be. When these expectations become overwhelming or not realistic, this is when perfectionism can come into play.
• Fear of unworthiness, and living each day with worry and stress – this can be linked to perfectionism when one feels that one’s actions, helping others, going above and beyond are part of “proving one’s worth”. This can lead to worry, stress, anxiety, and more.
• Believing that others will only value you if you are perfect all the time – this is something that can stop you in your tracks and is exhausting.
• Procrastination – if one feels they cannot start or complete a task unless they think they can do it perfectly.  Or one might take an extreme amount of time to complete a task.

Where Does Perfectionism Come From?

As a recovering perfectionist, this is a question I have often asked myself. Is a person born with the tendencies or personality traits to be a perfectionist?  Is this something a person learns from their childhood and environment growing up?

I believe it is something learned early in life, and related to learning to value yourself only on the basis of other people’s approval. This is an unstable (and scary) foundation, as your self-esteem is now is at the mercy of what other people think (or what you believe they must be thinking).

Identifying where this need to succeed comes from is a helpful key in further understanding this tendency or trait within oneself.  Perhaps if one can remember an event(s) or situation(s), and think through how or why the need for perfectionism came into play (such as attaching it to worthiness or self-worth), this could help with the deeper understanding and the healing process.

What Causes Perfectionism?

• Fear of disapproval – what would happen if someone saw your flaws, how would this make you feel, being scared or afraid of no longer being accepted. Trying to be perfect is a way of protecting oneself from rejection, criticism, and judgement.
• All or nothing thinking – believing you are worthless if your accomplishment is not perfect. It can be difficult to see things clearly when the perspective can be altered due to anxiety and fears that can be associated with wanting to be perfect.
• Insecurity – not feeling good enough. Feeling inadequate, and at the same time observing others and wondering how they can do something that is difficult for you.
• Fear of failure – if one does not achieve a goal, this can lessen how they feel about their personal worth or value.
• Fear of making mistakes – Thinking you have made a mistake can be connected with failure. If there is so much fear in not doing something “right”, often times this will lead to not even trying, and then missed opportunities for success, happiness, and proving to yourself that you are capable.

Accept Yourself

You may ask: how do you free yourself from the ideal of “being perfect?” It is important to come into acceptance of the truth of yourself.  Accept who you are. Love yourself, warts and all.

Look at how you are today compared to yesterday, last week, last month, last year. Be gentle with yourself, yet continue to push to get better.

Face your fears. Ask yourself what you are afraid of? If that fear where to come to pass, ask yourself what is the worst thing that could happen? Recognize that there can be positives from making mistakes, it’s part of the learning and growing process.

When you hear the inner critic’s voice — pause – ask yourself what am I grateful for? What am I doing well? Nurture yourself. Practice self love and self acceptance, celebrate victories. Don’t beat yourself up. Shut down the inner critic. Let them go. Install an inner cheerleader in their place.

To Let Go for Good

My journey with the Modern Mystery School has significantly helped me move forward with greater awareness and daily tools and rituals I can use to connect with my divinity and strength within.

This started with the Life Activation session. This private healing session activates the blueprint for who you are as a spiritual being within your DNA. It “turns on” a greater awareness of who you are as spirit, a connection to self and inner knowing, and puts energies in motion for greater healing.

The next step on my journey was the Empower Thyself initiation. This initiation anchors keys within your energy and opens up channels of light, for an accelerated forward movement of coming to know yourself as an infinite spiritual being having this physical experience.

This initiation brings greater empowerment to bring the REAL YOU forward, stepping into the driver’s seat of life. To bring who you truly are, your essence as spirit, the inner knowing of who you have always been and the power within you.

The Modern Mystery School brings ancient lineage tools and teachings focused on empowering each of us to embody more of who we are as spirit, and live a life from this foundation. Find a certified Guide near you to assist you in building a plan of action for greater healing and empowerment.