The Beatles have said a lot of different things about love, however, there are some key phrases that I think are absolutely true, “Love is all you need” and “Can’t buy me love.”

We often think of these songs in terms of romantic love, which may be true, but we can also think of them in terms of self-love. Love is important and can be shown in many ways, however, I think one of the most important loves one can have is self-love.

With self-love as a foundation in life, so many other things flow. Love is also a key ingredient in transformation.

Over the last couple of years as a mom of young kids, I have really embodied the caretaker role.

In my transition into motherhood, I had to transform into a new person, a mom. Some of the transition was thrust upon me, while other parts of the transition I had to design for how I wanted to be in this new role I played.

What I am learning as my kids grow is that each year I learn and transform even more. This last year, I realized I was not feeling balanced.

I was too heavy on my caretaker activities, that I forgot that I needed to also take care of me.

Lack of Self-Care is Lack of Self-Love

I realized my lack of self-care was really a lack of self-love. I wasn’t loving myself enough to prioritize self-care.

To change this and transform my physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual health I decided to make micro-changes to create better habits and reach my transformation goals.

It’s hard to truly change something without loving yourself first, because without a foundation of love we won’t prioritize it in our lives. As a mother, I realized self-love is not only important for me, but has a huge impact on my kids.

Everything I do has an impact on my kids – their little ears are always listening, and little eyes are always watching.

Love as a Force

In the mystery school, it is taught that ‘love is a force of creation’. If love is a force for creation, when applied it can create beauty and good. So, the lack of love in creation doesn’t heed good results.

In the case of my personal self-care transformation, I applied love as force to myself to meet my goals. By moving forward each step using love as my fuel, I was able to achieve better results than the times I wanted to change because I didn’t like something.

I chose self-love as my reason for making changes. I loved myself enough to set aside time for me. I loved myself enough to want to be better and do better in my life.

When we love ourselves, that love is a force that flows into all aspects of our lives.

Using Love to Set My Goals

When I started this process, I realized I was tired and wanted more energy. I knew I didn’t always feel this way, so I reflected back on time when I felt the most balanced and fit.

This was a time before kids that I worked out, meditated, and regularly did things to care for myself (physically, mentally, and emotionally).

After having kids I felt overwhelmed. For the longest time I thought, “I’m a full-time working mom with a side-gig, I don’t have time for that.”

With those thoughts, I was really saying I don’t love myself enough right now to focus on that.

Once I became aware of these thoughts and how I was sick of feeling this way, I realized I needed to make changes.

I knew I couldn’t focus on my health and wellbeing in the same way I did before kids, but knew I needed to make a change, so I came up with a plan for what I could do.

Because love is a force, I decided it needed to be front and center in my planning and decision making.

With this new attitude and perspective I knew I could love myself enough to implement workouts into my schedule each week.

I knew I could love myself enough to find a way to cook healthier meals.

I knew I could love myself enough to find time to meditate and do other self-care activities.

I realized the missing ingredients in my life were applying a lense of love in my planning, discipline, and actions.

I also realized I couldn’t ‘boil the ocean’ with my goals, so I decided to implement small changes that I knew I could accomplish and then expand from there.

Micro-Changes for Success

I set the goal to get more sleep, eat healthier meals, and exercise / meditate 3-5x’s per week. This seemed like a really big deal for me at the time, so I broke it down.

I decided I could dedicate 30 minutes every day to my wellbeing. To do this, I made ‘micro-changes’ to reach my goals. I found a fitness app that provided 10–30-minute workouts. This allowed me to pick what I had time for.

I paired my exercise and meditation, so I meditated before or after working out to keep me accountable and started by getting both done in that 30-minute window (being flexible on the amount of time spent doing each activity).

I found 4 staple healthy meals that I didn’t get sick of eating and make from the same ingredients each week – only cooking 2 nights / week and having leftovers the rest of the time.

The commonality in all these changes is that they were small and ‘time-boxed’.

I didn’t commit to more than I knew I could give as I wanted to build habits. I allowed for some flexibility with (3-5) knowing that some weeks are extra crazy in our family schedule.

And lastly, they were small enough changes that I knew I could do it so I was able to apply the discipline and consistency required to meet my goals.

I also gave myself 4 months to create these new habits, meaning I didn’t beat myself up or quit when I found myself not being consistent.

I just started back up the next week and grounded myself in my simple goals. After 4 months, I realized my body craved these things because it started to feel good.

So, I adjusted my regimen and activities from there. Now that I am in month 6 of these habits, I am continuing to adjust to meet me where I am at and reach even greater goals.

Everything in life is about balance. As a mom, balance is even more important because I am not only balancing my life, needs, and schedule, but my kids as well.

What I have learned through applying love in this way is that my kids are benefitting too.

By sticking to this self-love regimen, I have more energy. If I don’t complete a workout or meditation during a time my kids are sleeping, then I need to do it with them awake.

Sometimes I include them, and sometimes I set boundaries with them to be able to complete. This shows them self-love in action and teaches them ways they can care for themselves as I lead by example.

Perspective is Everything

Even though I have known the importance of perspective, I find that I have to constantly practice it. I have learned that a couple of years ago in the heart of covid that my perspective was skewed.

I slipped into the caretaker role, balancing work, childcare, schooling along with the stresses of everything else and forgot about me.

By changing my perspective and realizing that by dedicating time for myself each day, I am actually better serving my children and teaching them the importance of self-care, I am actually more accountable because I want them to see me reach my goals!

As humans we are always changing, evolving, and transforming.

Change is inevitable, however, if we don’t focus on self-love as a key ingredient in our transformation, we won’t change in a way that best serves us.

To be able to change in a positive way, we must have awareness and set goals. I want my kids to know that self-love, goal setting, planning, discipline, and consistency are key ingredients for transformation – and I know by focusing on these things in my own life, my kids will learn as their little eyes and ears watch and hear everything I do.