What is shame?

Shame is a feeling of being wrong at the core. If you feel shame, you feel you are the cause of others rejecting behavior towards you. You may often feel inadequate in most if not all situations and circumstances in your daily life. It is a rejection that you place on yourself at the core of your being. When this rejection is placed on oneself, what is at the core for you? Take some time to understand what shame means and how it has affected you. Shame can be a disconnection with knowing or acceptance of your true self. Shame is a very negative energy that has many layers and very easily pulls us down. It is something that many people don’t realize they experience. It is sneaky, and when present can present itself as other feelings and experiences such as embarrassment, unworthiness, and not being good enough or not doing something right.

Ways Shame can Appear in One’s Life

• A Trigger from your Past – A trigger is a situation or event stimulating the emotion (in this case shame). This trigger can be a real or imagined situation. An important piece to understand is that sometimes the situation or event that triggered your shame might not be the full truth. It could be remembered incorrectly, or turned into something different in your mind because the pattern of shame, anxiety or something else.
• Childhood – from being emotionally or physically abandoned, neglected, or abused.  Or from hearing phrases like “shame on you”, and integrating that as part of our inner monologue and self talk. As children we create our own programming and framework for how to navigate the world, and these early experiences can setup a pattern of shame.
• Blaming Self – if you have the tendency to be very hard on yourself, and if you have perfectionism tendencies.
• Feeling Guilty – if you have a tendency to feelings of guilt, then shame is likely a part of it. You feel you have done something wrong, regretful, remorseful, and blame yourself. And all of these feelings often lead to shame.
• Continued Judgment of Self – the negative thoughts you have about yourself, and meaning attached to those thoughts. For example, “if I fail at this activity, then I am a failure.” Shame is often attached to these extrapolated meanings and thoughts.
• Keeps Someone Stuck – it can often be a spinning cycle of emotions, and keeps you stuck in one place with insecurities, sadness, or despair.
• Low Self-Esteem – shame can lead to lack of confidence, feeling a lack of worth in your abilities and lack of self-respect. These feelings can all be associated, and lead to feeling shame.
• Shame in Relationships – shame can cause fears and anxieties that make relationships challenging. This can lead to pushing away relationships because of the fears, anxieties, and ultimately the shame you feel about yourself.
• Shame in Public/Group Situations – Extreme self-consciousness can lead to feeling shame.
• Others Judgments Made Towards You – the interpretation you have of what others think of you.
• Blaming Yourself for the Situation – having such high expectations, or strict judgements on oneself.
• Belief of Standards that Should be Upheld – rules that you make for yourself that you feel must be followed, and if not, lead to shame.
• Depression and Anxiety – are often accompanied with feelings of shame.The impact of these is often debilitating, lowers self-esteem.
• Panic Attacks – are something real, and usually happen “out of the blue”. There are many reasons for being prone to panic attacks, and sometimes those reason can cause shame, or simply having a panic attack can cause shame.
• Overthinking/Overanalyzing – when you relive an event, or have a story in your mind of how something happened, how others feel about it, what others might think of you…all of these spinning thoughts can result in shame.
• Loneliness – can be a feeling of not having enough close relationships, fear of closeness or letting people in. This can be linked to one’s past, and feelings of shame and unworthiness.

Ways to Overcome Shame

Shame brings extreme intensity and pain and can take a lot of effort, work, attention to overcome.

• Forgiveness – many times shame is rooted in past experiences that need to be healed. Part of this process is through recognition, forgiveness (of self and/or others) with compassion and love.
• Own that You Have this Feeling – express it, journal about it, peel the layers for deeper understanding. It doesn’t help to feel bad about having the feeling.
• Our Story About Shame – is it really the truth of what happened?  Often times we spin our truth and reality into something else.  This can easily happen when fears, judgments, lack of confidence, and other factors are present.
• Address Childhood – some of the deepest feelings of shame we experience comes from childhood. And many of us don’t fully realize the impact of these childhood experiences and how they still impact us today. So this is tricky in that we must continue to peel the layers and recognize when these feelings of shame come up, to understand where they come from and begin the healing process.
• Address the Thoughts that Come In –  A key step to healing shame is to recognize when it is happening. When that little voice is taking over causing fears, pain, panic, anxiety, and so many other feelings to occur. Don’t be hard on yourself, but realize what is happening and come up with a plan – such as journaling, calling a friend, or a mantra that you say to work through this occurrence.
• Recognize and Heal Triggers – a trigger is something that is upsetting and has meaning or correlation to a certain event. If this is associated with a traumatic or impactful experience, it can cause shame. The first step is to recognize the trigger, and work on forgiveness or deeper understanding to begin the process to heal.
• Support from Others – don’t isolate yourself during this challenging time. It is good to get support, encouragement, and perspective from others.  You get to set the boundary and ask for support in the best way you see fit.
• Self Love – it is extremely important to love yourself during this journey of healing feelings and emotions of shame. You are likely not the same person as you were when the feelings of shame first started.

There is Hope

Shame can be hard to identify as it is usually hidden under other experiences or feelings. There is hope to overcome and heal feelings of shame. It is about self-love, self-acceptance, knowing and understanding oneself, and healing. When we heal our layers of shame, we are ultimately loving and accepting lost pieces of our self – thus making ourselves whole again. It is about standing strong and doing what you feel you need to, to stop these feelings of shame – such as forgiveness, loving oneself, starting fresh, saying “no more” to these feelings.

This process is a journey. I have been working on healing my shame, layer by layer. I see the progress I have made and the “fruits” it has brought to my life, but know there is still work to be done. Healing is a journey, not a destination.  Seeing the progress, and noticing changes is the victory in the process.

When these feelings of shame are “in your face”, this is your deepest self (your soul) telling you it is time to recognize and heal.  This is a unique process to you and can be done through a variety of ways listed above, and others that might come to mind for you. I encourage you to face this shame you are experiencing so that you can release any control it might have over you. I also encourage you to reach out to someone you trust. I have often found it helpful to get an outside perspective or encouragement, and love, to heal.

My journey with the Modern Mystery School has been a huge factor in my healing journey, helping me to peel away deeper layers for understanding and self-love.

This started with the Life Activation session. This private healing session awakens a connection to your Higher Self. It brings forth deeper clarity and understanding of who you have always been. It assists in releasing old patterns that no longer serve, bringing forth clarity.

The next step on my journey was the Empower Thyself initiation. This initiation brings deeper understanding of self and connection with the true essence of you – your soul.  You receive tools to use everyday to assist with your energy and empowering you to step forward with more Light in your life, empowering you to step forward on your journey.

Find a certified Guide near you to assist you in building a plan of action for greater healing and empowerment.